Go now, my child, your time has come.

and songs yet to be sung.

GOD'S LOAN

I'll lend you for a little while- A child of mine He said. For you to love the while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead. It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three, but will you, till I call him back- Take care of him for me? I cannot promise he will stay- Since all from Heaven return. But there are lessons taught down there, I want this child to learn. I've looked the wide world over, in my search for Teachers true, and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I've selected you. Now will you give him all your love- Nor think the labor vain- Nor hate me when I come to call him back again? I fancied that I hear him say ?Dear Lord, Thy will be done.? For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness-We'll love him while we may, and for the happiness we've known- Forever-grateful stay. But should the Angel's call for him, much sooner than we've planned, we'll bare the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand

Brian Richard DeAngelis passed away on September 19, 2003, in Salt Lake City, UT. He was born on July 28, 1979, to Richard DeAngelis and Becky Rigby-Whipple. Graduated in 1997, with a GPA of 3.5 from Hunter High School. Included in the "Who's who of America," the best 5% of the nation for three consecutive years in a row. Member of the National Honors Society and High Honor Roll. He loved English and once wrote a children's book called "The Little Traveler." Hopefully I will one day be able to publish this for him. I have a copy of it on this site. Brian had a great sense of humor and the most wonderful laugh. He had a bouncy little walk that reminded me of his father. This drove me crazy at times because I was divorced from his dad, but now it is one of the things I miss the most. Brian brought joy to all who knew him and loved him. He was a very caring and family oriented young man who would do anything for anyone. He loved his friends and family and simply adored his older brothers. He was definitely a Mama's boy though, and would call me daily, bring me small, thoughtful gifts and write me letters and poems. He always made sure that he would bring my dog Tobie a piece of beef jerky when he came over (she would get so excited when she saw him). He loved music and dancing. Brian wrote the following about music -

"Music grasps your soul. The music you love gives you a happy state, it takes you to a world so beautiful, that you forget everything except the music. It is an alternate fantasy world. Where would we be without music, no matter which culture it comes from. Music is euphoric. It brings you to a happiness, and most of all love. That song you love so much is your Bliss".

Brian loved Science and at one time wanted to be a Scientist. He loved to write poems. He loved cats, especially Garfield. He loved cartoons like Sponge Bob and Beavis and Butthead. He loved Hostess Ding Dongs, orange crush, pizza, bread sticks with marinara sauce and chips and salsa. He loved baseball and basketball. He loved all bright colors but especially bright blue, orange and lime green. He loved sunflowers.

Brian was a wonderful person that touched you for life once you met him. He had the smile of an angel and will be missed by everyone who knew him.

Brian's early life was full of medical problems. He had Meningitis when he was a week old and had to be in the hospital for over a week. The nurses got to give him his first bath (that kind of made me upset when I walked in on that). He had reflux disease and could only eat thickened cereal. Nothing else would stay in him. His legs were crooked from the knee's down and he had to wear braces on his legs. It made it difficult because, with his reflux, he had to go to sleep at night in a sitting position, and could not be laid on his belly or back. So he slept, with braces on his legs, in one of those baby carriers. We moved from San Diego California to Salt Lake City, UT when he was a baby. Again, when he was 6 months old he came down with Meningitis once more. Luckily it was viral, and the only consequence of the disease was a hearing loss in his left ear. He cried so hard while getting the spinal taps, he gave himself a hernia, and had to have it operated on when his Meningitis was improved. Before his one year birthday he also had eye surgery (he was born without tear ducts) and numerous ear infections and his adenoids taken out. Brian weighed about 17 lbs at one year and weight only 24 lbs when he was 3. He got the nickname of "Stick Man" at an early age because of how thin he always was.

Brian loved his two older brothers. He just lived life. He loved to play basketball, baseball, ride his skateboard, play Nintendo, and just loved being close to his brothers; Mike and Travis. He loved to play "camping" with his stepsisters. When they would come to visit, he would want to make tents under his bed, then climb under there with them and eat "ding-dongs." He was a silly little thing. His favorite song when he was little was "Footloose." He knew all the words, but was always about a word behind when he sang with it on the radio, so it sounded like an echo. He was adorable. Here is a poem he wrote in High School that I got from a friend of his. You can tell that he was depressed, but not as bad as he was in his early 20's'

"In my eyes I see, what life can be. The anger and pains inside of me. But love always reveals itself, in one way or another and we search for these things, constantly for each other. To see others happy makes us feel good inside and they bring our love to the outside".

While Brian excelled in school, his later life was more difficult. Brian fought for many years with this disease named addiction, until drugs and alcohol completely consumed him and he could no longer stand the pain. Brian committed suicide on Sept. 19th, 2003 after a long struggle to try to get clean. Brian wrote the following words in his journal 2 months before he died.

"Wondering in fear, surviving only by hope. I live in a shallow destitute day by day. I breathe gaspingly, questioning the next, fearing the next. Will tomorrow be better? Will surviving be easier? I have made many mistakes and my body shakes because of these mistakes. If everyone was like me, nothing would get done. The earth would stop its spin."In my eyes I see, what life can be".

I have had so much guilt since Brian died. I blamed myself for not being able to get through to him. It?s very hard watching someone you love lose control and doing things that you know can hurt them or even kill them. It?s harder still when you try to help but are shoved away only to be left watching helplessly from the sidelines, scared to even think or fathom what may happen next. You wait for that phone call that you know may someday come, while you pray that your loved one finds the courage to change before that day happens. When I finally did get that call, my life, and the rest of our family's life crashed.

Brian will be missed immensely by his family, aunts, uncles, cousins and all of his many friend's. We all love you so much Brian! Brian is survived by his parents, Becky and Dennis Whipple of Midvale, Utah and Richard and Debbie DeAngelis of Hastings, Florida; brothers and sisters; Michael, Travis, Matthew; Jaci, Jaden and Heidi and grandmothers, JoeAnn Rigby and Ann DeAngelis. Preceded in death by his grandfather, Curtis Rigby.

God, Grant me the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change.
The courage to change
the things I can
and the Wisdom
to know the difference

Brian, I love you,
to the stars and back!

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